NOVEMBER 1, 2002
THE COUNTRY CORNER
Sniff, sniff. Is that the odor of armpit, sweaty foot or - no - not
In the continued effort to boost children's interest in science, the museum is resorting to the oldest trick in the book: exploiting their fascination with bodily functions. Textbooks can be a bit dry - but a smothering of poo, snot and gas should help facts about human biology go down.
The exhibition is based on a series of books by science teacher Sylvia Branzei of Whale Gulch School in northern California. "It came to me in an ah-ha moment when I was clipping my toe-nails," says Branzei. Her musings on 'toe jam' led to Grossology.
Considering the Brits' obsession with their bowels, it's surprising it hasn't been done before, admits the head of the museum, Roland Jackson, "You have to ask why not."
Anyone anally fixated is bound to enjoy constructing a cacophony of artificial farts. "A tightened anus creates a higher-pitched toot," explains the text helpfully. Happily, the odors are not genuine emissions from soiled socks and pants: a few drops of chemical suffice.
A recent transplant to the mountains of West Virginia writes:
The folks around these parts have a peculiarity that drives me nutty. You ask them an "either/or" question, and their answer is-- "That'll be fine!"
I asked a lady the other night who was coming through my register at Wal-Mart, "Ma'am, would you like your milk in a bag or not?"
"That'll be fine," was her reply.
I looked quizzically at her, and asked, "Does that mean 'yes' or 'no'?"
"I said that that'll be fine," was her answer. Since I was holding it up in my hand, out of a bag, I decided to assume that "that" in this case meant "that naked jug of milk that you're holding in your hand, not in a bag."
This feeling was further reinforced by a slight nod of the head
towards the jug just as she said the word "that'll." I set the
jug in the cart without putting it in a sack.
"I *said* I wanted it in a bag," she complained. "You want me to shout it or write it down for you?
"That'll be fine!" I replied.
went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family
including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they
were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.
Do dolphins ever sleep?
A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver,
getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows
looking at him.
"I believe it's your radiator," said the cow.
The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door.
"A cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his
arms franticly back toward the field.
The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to
glance down the field. "That it? The cow with two big black spots." the farmer asked slowly.
"Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied.
"Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the
man. "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a darn
thing about cars."
MARYLAND Don't miss the letter about Chief Moose on this month's letters page!
The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin
phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind.
A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind.
The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind.
The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said
that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he
could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure".
The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homeni, et
Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti".
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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