Bear News Beartown News
MAY 1, 2003

THE COUNTRY CORNER

MINNESOTA


APPLICATION FOR MINNESOTAZANSHIP
 

Personal Information:
Name ___________________son
Sex: ___ Ole ___ Lena
Home Address ________________
Cabin Address ________________
Religion: _____ Lutheran
______ Catholic
Income: ____We do OK ____We're Blessed ____ None of your beeswax
Qualifications: (check all that apply)
___ I own a gas powered ice auger.
___ Fargo floods hit a little close to home.
___ I can name a dozen celebrities who've stayed at the Mayo
___ I've been trick or treating in two feet of snow.
 ___ My grandmother made me eat lutefisk.
 ___ I liked it!
___ I've been to a block party.
___ My first beer was an Old Milwaukee.
___ My snowmobile has more miles on it than my car.
___ I have a back up set of jumper cables in my trunk.
___ Despite what everyone else says - I DON'T HAVE AN
ACCENT! (For sure, you bet I don't.)

True/ False:
___ I actually listen to telemarketers.
___ "Have a Nice Day" is an ORDER!
___ TV news anchors are celebrities.
___ Part of my tongue is on a flagpole somewhere.
___ It's not a rubber binder! It's a rubber band.
___ They mistake pop for "soda" or "coke" in most other states.
___ Hot Dish is neither a beautiful woman nor an overheated
plate.

___ Paw is both a hand and the male parent.
Multiple Choice:
It's time to wear a hat when.
A) The temperature is below 10 degrees.
B) Your mother tells you to!
C) The temperature is -10 and the wind chill is in double digits.
Essay Questions:
1. What "uff-da" means to me
2. What "oopsy daisy" means to me

JAPAN

Computer Haiku. 

In Japan,  impersonal, Microsoft messages  are replaced with Haiku poetry. Poems have  17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the  second,  5 in the third:

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.


Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.


Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.


Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.


Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.


Your file was so big.
It must have been quite useful.
But now it is gone.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.


A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.


Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.


Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

WEST VIRGINIA
 

 
A mountain farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door.
"Is yer pa home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir he ain't," the boy replied. "He went to town."
 
"Well" said the farmer, "is yer ma here?"
"No, she ain't here either.She went to town with pa." 
 
"How about your brother, Joe, is he here?" 
 
"He went with ma and pa."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do fer ya?", the boy inquired politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer pa."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It's about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant."
 The boy considered for a moment.
"You would have to talk to pa about that", he finally conceded. "But if it helps you any, I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog but I really don't know how much he gets for Joe."

 

Email: dernc@sover.net


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