NOVEMBER 1, 2000
A farmer, who had passed innumerable sleepless nights, immortalized himself by discovering how to keep babies quiet. The mode of operation is as follows: As soon as the squaller awakes, set it up, propped by a pillow, if it cannot sit alone; then smear its fingers with sticky molasses; then put half a dozen feathers into its hands, and it will sit and pick feathers from one hand to the other until it drops asleep. As soon as it wakes again, molasses and more feathers, and in the place of nerve-astounding yells, there will be silence and enjoyment unspeakable.
Beartowntonians are notorious for their endeavor to serve
God on the Sabbath and Satan the rest of the week. The
minister greeted one such individual with "Well,
Brother Dick, I'm glad to see you here today. Haven't
stole any turkeys since I saw you last?"
A dissipated young man ran away from home and wasted his substance in riotous living. After parting with his last shinplaster, he resolved to visit the paternal roof. His father received him with forgiveness, and rushing to the house overcome with joy that his boy had returned, cried out to his wife, "Let us kill the prodigal; the calf has returned."
"Henry, I say, I was going down the street the other day, and seed a tree bark." "Golly Bill, I seed it hollow." "I seed the same one leave." "Did it take its trunk with it?" "No, it left that for board."
DID SOMEBODY SAY BEARTOWN
A good old
Vermont Democrat was being chided by a Republican friend
for being damned narrow-minded and party-minded. "Amos,"
his friend charged him, "I don't suppose you'd vote
for a Republican no matter how fine a man he was."
in a relatively small Green Mountain community, a few
Democrats decided to make the highly irregular move of
holding a Democratic meeting, and issued an invatation to
the public. The town minister was a stanch Republican,
but he had a Democrat in his congregation and he decided
to attend as an observer to find out what was going on.
There being no other clergyman present he was asked if he
would open the meeting with prayer.
Beartown farmer who was, as you would expect, a stout
Republican, went to report a theft to the town Constable,
who strangely enough happened to be a Democrat.
the days when Vermont was pretty much a one-party state
the Board of Civil Authority in a small town was busy
counting the ballots in the November election. Republican
- Republican - Republican seemed to run on without
end until suddenly up came a Democratic ballot.
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
This site hosted by VTweb.com