HUMOR
Once upon
a barren moor
There dwelt a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not bear the boar,
The boar thought the bear a bore.
At last the bear could bear no more
That boar that bored him on the moor.
And so one morn he bored the boar-
That boar will bore the bear no more!
Big Dave
staggered in the house at 4AM with a partially full
liquor bottle in his hand. His wife was waiting at the
door! She grabbed the bottle and said, "I'm gonna
see what there is in this stuff that you like so much."
She took two or three big swallows, lost her breath,
coughed, turned red, and sputtered, "This stuff is
terrible!"
Her husband gazed her into focus and said, "And all this time, I'll
bet you thought I was enjoying it."
Two liars
got to bragging, and one said he'd been ocean fishing and
caught a 500 pound fish.
The second one said he too had gone deepsea fishing and
thought he had caught a fish but it turned out to be a
lantern from the Titanic, and it was still lit!The first
liar pondered this story for a minute and said, "I'll take 200 pounds off
that fish I caught if you blow out the lantern."
One day I
went to visit and old friend at his farm. He showed me
around the place and when we came to the pigpen there was
the strangest looking pig I had ever seen. It had a
wooden PEG-LEG!
We went to the house and my curiosity got the best of me;
I asked about the unusual pig.
"One night that pig woke us up, busting down the
door, squealing. The house was on fire. He saved our
lives. Another time," he continued, "my tractor
overturned, pinning me to the ground. Nobody was around;
I thought I was a goner. Well, here comes that pig
running. He grunted and pushed until he got that tractor
off of me."
"Amazing," I exclaimed. "But why the
wooden leg?"
Well, you don't
expect me to eat a great pig like that all at one time!"
DID
SOMEBODY SAY
BEARTOWN
|
LOVE
STORY
A tall
eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But
Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass
named Long. To belittle Long, Short announced she would
marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to
marry Long.
To make a long
story short, did tall Short love big Little less because
Little loved little Long more?
A
blacksmith was shaping red-hot horse-shoes on his anvil
and throwing them down on the ground to cool. A local boy
wandered up, reacheed down, and picked up one of the half
cooled shoes. He quickly dropped it. The blacksmith asked
slyly, "Was it hot?"
"No, it just
don't take me long to look at a horseshoe."
The Jones
brothers had a mule named Charlie. Charlie was a hard
working mule, easy to drive for all types of work. But
Charlie had one problem. When they put him in his stall
at night; his ears brushed against the top of the
entrance and this drove Charlie CRAZY. He would kick,
bite and buck like crazy.
One day the oldest brother got a hand saw and went down
to the barn and began sawing out the top of the entrance.
The younger brother comes along and says, "Wouldn't
it be much easier to take a shovel and dig some of the
dirt out of the entrance?"
The older brother replied, "Are you stupid? It ain't his feet and legs
that's too long; it's his ears!"
LIFE
GUIDES
Don't
interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
The easiest way to
eat crow is while its still warm. The colder it gets, the
harder it is to swaller.
If you find
yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
If it don't seem
worth the effort, it probably ain't.
The biggest
troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with
watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
Never ask a barber
if you need a haircut.
If you get to
thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
Don't worry about
bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a
whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you're ridin'
ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still there with ya.
Lettin' the cat
outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
in.
The quickest way to
double your money is to fold it over and put it back into
your pocket.
Never miss a good
chance to shut up.
|
