JUNE 1, 2004
WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST
Operation Pig Water
In an effort to
discourage Islamic extremists,
U.S.-lead Coalition Forces have secretly begun smearing
scientifically “altered” pig
fat onto the bodies of dead
and captured terrorists, according to a undisclosed
official U.S. source. This same official says that the pig
fat has been scientifically altered and the final product
is colorless, odorless and has the consistency of
OVERHEARD in the BEARTOWN COURT
`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'
`Well, your Honor,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'
Barge Capsizes Approaching Nude Beach
AUSTIN, Texas (AP) --
A double-decker party barge capsized when dozens of
passengers moved to one side of the boat as it
approached Texas' only nude beach. Sixty people on the
boat were rescued Sunday from Lake Travis, including two
with minor injuries, authorities said.
Larry La Pries has gone forever...
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Pries, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
During a Papal audience, a businessman approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily bread" to "Give us this day our daily chicken," and Kentucky Fried Chicken will donate $10,000,000 to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later, the man approached the Pope again, this time with a $50,000,000 offer. Again, the Pope declined. A month later, the man upped the price to $100,000,000, and this time the Pope accepted. At a meeting of the Cardinals, the Pope announced his decision in the good news/bad news format. "The good news is: We have $100,000,000 for charities. The bad news: We lost the Wonder Bread account."
Copyright 2000 Claude Dern, All Rights Reserved
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